Everyday is a Masquerade!

The Safe Zone

"Everyday should be a Masquerade." He suggested jokingly.

But I was already thinking the same exact thing except in a more serious manner. How lovely it would be to hide behind my mask as I pretend to unroll my fantasies of being anything and anyone I wanted to be with nothing or no one to bother me.

I went to a masquerade last night hiding behind two walls. One of them being my mask and the other was my camera of course. The mask was my tool to hiding my face from anyone who would be able to read my expressions and see the fear of crowds that I hide so well. My camera was the key to popping in and out of different groups and getting inside people without having to reveal myself or talk to anyone. If I could, I would be a fly on the wall so that I can observe freely and not have to reply or give opinions.

"What's your story?" "What's your name?"

What do I say? My name is Yolanda, but I changed it to Lana. I'd prefer Yolanda, but you can call me what makes your day brighter because I attach no sentiments to what you decide to call me.

"Whoa. You're crazy."

Exactly.

There is a specific reason why I am deathly afraid of social crowds. It is not because I am not secure. It is definitely not because I am afraid of what people will think. It is simply because I feel like I am not sure if I want people to know who I am. I am special. No like really really special. I'm an acquired taste and dammit you can't understand me or get the gist of me with a simple, "Hello, my name is __. I like __. Yeah." I need substance. That's all. Don't get me wrong, I can function in big crowds and I'm not miserable if I can find a place to hide out or be with someone I know.

That's why everyday should be a masquerade. I would hide behind my mask and be whoever it is you need me to be at this social event while I peacefully watch you and listen to you without worrying about having to small talk.

The End

I met a friend that I admire. I took a picture of him and I love him. I wish to express to him very much how he has liberated a big beast of pressure buried inside of me. Thank you friend.